The Most Difficult Issue in Independent School Sport

There is wide consensus amongst those involved in sport in independent schools of the most difficult issue they face. It is the same all over the world. No discussion of frustrations gets far before agreement is reached that intrusive parents are the worst aspect of the job. It wasn’t always like this; so, what has changed?

Firstly, there is the general sector trend of greater parental communication. This is a product in part of instant messaging mechanisms, and a shift on both sides to considering the parent as the customer. The latter is perhaps also allied to a changing balance of supply and demand in some areas of independent education, which gives the buyer confidence in being more demanding.

Secondly, the growth of democratic expectation has – not unreasonably – led parents to feel that a high quality experience in sport is not the exclusive preserve of the early developing athletic kids who thrive in competitive teams. The sector has a history of meritocracy, and of giving some children superior opportunities: it has never found a comfortable position in embracing equality.

Many parents have also developed a firm sense of entitlement, and are “me-centric” critical observers of the sensitive interface between school sports policies and their child. Two things inflame relationships with these people: they are surprise, and emotion. When combined, these factors do not add together, they multiply. Instant communication mechanisms mean that many issues are dealt with in moments of high emotion. In a previous era, a sense of proportion might have emerged whilst waiting several days for a reply to a letter. This is rarely established in the ever decreasing period between a hastily constructed email, fuelled with emotional outrage, and the anticipated reply.

Wistful recollection of the charms of a bygone era are rarely helpful. The sector will not wake up one morning to discover that a worldwide parental forum has overnight committed to a future of reasonableness. It is not going to go away. So, what can be done?

A shift from reactive to proactive communications is probably the biggest single thing a school could do. Removing the surprise. Making it an intellectual, not an emotional, issue. Many areas of time consuming parental conflicts are predictable, and could be reduced with clearer articulation, not just of school policies, but also of the rationale behind them. The “why” of the programme is often assumed, but increasingly needs explanation. Availability for school matches every week is not simply an organisational expedient, but an opportunity to learn commitment, teamship and selflessness. But this explanation is better delivered in the cold light of day, rather than in the adversarial debate in the days immediately before the game. At that stage, there are only losers.

The central issues are predictable, everywhere in the world. They exist where the best interests of the programme do not align with the personal aspirations of each parent. Most of them reflect the zero sum nature of school sport. There are only 11 places in the A team. There are only two teams in an age group. Only a small number are awarded Colours. We have created an industry based on rejecting some pupils in favour of others, and a client

base that expects their child to be involved, whenever they want them to be. And not involved when it is personally inconvenient. The mathematical foundation is fatally flawed.

Making it clear what the school offers in sport, and why the programme is constructed that way, is a constant challenge. Such messages need to be delivered constantly, and consistently, through a wide variety of channels. They would describe the culture which the school is attempting to build, with clear articulation of the benefits for all children, providing information which precludes surprise. The better quality, and more inclusive, the programme, the greater traction it should achieve with a bigger constituency of parents. Shining the twin lights of quality, and equality, often exposes shortcomings in sports provision that need to be addressed. This reduces the need to defend the indefensible, when parental objections are actually well founded.

Improved communication would also clarify what the school expects from pupils and parents. And the easy win of logistical information of what happens, where, when and with whom. Over communication of the organisational details builds confidence in the school.

If parental emails begin with ‘Why…?’ that provides a clue that explanations are not sufficiently extensive. Parents should always be able to disagree with the school’s rationale, but they shouldn’t be unaware of what is done and the rationale, and benefits, behind it.

Will this change the world? Not entirely. But there is no exam where the pass mark is 100%. There will still be unreasonable requests, and self-oriented parents. But where communication is clear and strong, more people do the right thing more of the time.

Intrusive parents are here to stay. But it’s time to take the initiative in explaining what school sport really seeks to achieve, and how that can impact positively on all children – and all parents.