Educating Parents to Want the Best in the Right Way
Ask most Heads of PE what they like least about their job, and dealing with parents is never far from the surface. Unreasonable demands, intrusion on selection, unrealistic ambition, outrageous touchline behaviour are worldwide phenomenon. Everyone wears their horror stories as badges of honour: it's a race to the bottom, "If you think your parents are bad, listen to this..."
Educating children is relatively easy. They are aware of the need to learn, respectful (generally) of the omnipotence of teachers and readily influenced. Their parents can be in sharp contrast. In an environment where the need for self discipline is widely acknowledged, the worst example is often on the touchline.
How does this come about? A major factor is the confusion of the success criteria of school sport. Sky Sports and the Daily Telegraph reflect the simplest way of measuring sports achievement. It is done in numbers, and is a simple reflection of who has won. Parents cannot be expected to think beyond this, unless they are educated to do so. There is, therefore, always a danger that "educational" ambitions, such as giving all pupils some game time, spreading out opportunity, and supporting weaker performers can be seen as detracting from the One Big Goal. To Win. It is disappointing how many parents clearly believe that there is an Under 12 World Cup.
Perhaps inevitably, parents prefer to see sport as an area where they, and their children, can experience unalloyed success. Victory in school matches is seen as a zero sum game, in which the losers are diminished by the experience. This is contrary the legitimate educational view that the experience of competition can be of value to both sides, and that learning to win and lose with class is an important life lesson. That is the strength of adaptive competition.
The alternative is that the unpalatable taste of defeat has to be sugared by the allocation of blame. Someone is at fault, and the referee or the coach - or the fixture list - is an easy target. Disappointingly rare is the parent body who can accept, in the heat of the moment, that the opposition were better, worthy of congratulation and that valuable lessons have just been learned. The illegitimate currency if being "unbeaten" is assumed as an undisputed badge of honour for school teams
Too much parent behaviour reflects the worst of the world of professional sport. Disparaging the opposition, a culture of blame, a narrow focus on the need to finish the game with more goals/points than the opposition. Whatever the cost to development, reputation, self esteem and character.
Are there alternatives? It certainly won't get better on its own. The onus is firmly on any school to proactively educate its parent body in the cold light of day, and away from the emotionally charged environment of the touchline. To spell out in advance its success criteria, and to ensure that parents are aware of the school's values and its approach to incendiary issues such as selection, replacements, the referee and the primacy of self discipline with adults as vital role models. Such information probably has to be provided in advance, in a written and rationally argued form, to be consumed at leisure away from the furnace of competition. Clear signals of expected behaviour need to be consistently provided
Parents have to be given a positive role. They have to be encouraged to take a pride in what the school is doing, and in their understanding of its larger purpose. They need to be proud ambassadors of the school's values. They need to be clear what behaviour the school sees as important. And why. Further, they need to understand the vital role they have in reinforcing educational messages in moments of disappointment - supporting their children in moments of stress, and making it clear that the child's worth is not defined by a narrow competitive success.
But the "Parents' Guide to Supporting School Sport" should be a positive publication. Many schools try to shape how parents behave in terms of what they shouldn't do. Start from the premise that parents want to do the right thing for their child and for the school, but just are unclear what that it, or lose sight of it in moments of emotion. Explain why supportive behaviour is important, and what parents can do to endorse the school's messages about endeavour, resilience, sportsmanship and dealing with disappointment. Give parents a positive role in the process, and explain their value. A partnership between parent and school is the opposite of the adversarial relationship that sport often stimulates.
It is a challenge for all schools to shape the behaviour and values of their pupils. But a far bigger issue to develop the behaviour of parents, and educate them In the real success criteria of school sport. And who are the role models for the parents? Undoubtedly the staff. Their behaviour on the touchline, their approach to the players and their attitude to winning (and losing), the opposition and the referee are the biggest influencers of parent behaviour. Quality controlled coach behaviour is certainly the first step to getting a grip of parents. And to shaping the school's reputation. It may be one of the most important jobs of a Head of PE. Because its influence is so public, and so significant.
Being proud of children's behaviour is a regular achievement for schools. Being proud of parent behaviour is much more difficult to achieve.