Stop Bossy Mums and Dads Running Your Child’s Game

No team seems to be immune from the parent who continually coaches their child’s game. It’s detrimental to the child and often to their team mates.

To stop them becoming overbearing, try out these ideas to open the communication channels:

1. Give each player a card before their first fixture. On one side, set out a code for the player. On the other, how the parent can support their child. Your school might already do this, but it’s even better if they receive it with their name on it from you and it relates directly to this team.
2. Gather the parents before the first fixture. It’s easier if their child knows beforehand this is going to happen and says it to their parents. “Mr Smith wants to welcome you before the game and quickly go through his expectations for the team this season.”
3. Talk to the last year’s team teachers to find out who might be problematic. See if you can chat to them before the first game.

Messages in newsletters or on websites are rarely adhered to, so face-to-face investment is well-worth it. In fact, go so far as to tell your opposite number before the first game that you want a moment with the parents before the start of the match.

The message and delivery is also important.

Here are some well-tested phrases:

1. Like you I am looking forward to this season. I really hope the players will enjoy their matches and play to the best of their ability.
2. Please show your support for the boys in the normal way. We find that they really respond to positive encouragement.
3. Like they do at the top sports academies, we only want the coaches to call in tactical or technical advice. We have been working on various things during the week and that will be our focus for the match.
4. There’s no doubt that the players will make some mistakes. They will know when this happens, but they may not always have the confidence to recover. Can you help me pick up their spirits if something goes wrong?
5. Thanks for your help. I know the players really appreciate your support.

There’ll still be the over-excited mother or father. And there’s little point in dealing with them during the game. They will be incensed and potentially unreachable at that moment. Better to take them aside afterwards and suggest that, though the players can be frustrating, it would be helpful if they could be encouraging.

Suggestions for your card

Players

1. Respect your team mates by:
   1. Encouraging them
   2. Not criticising them when they make mistakes
   3. Valuing their part in the team
   4. Respect the referee, even when you think he’s made a mistake
2. Respect the opposition
3. Aim to win, but in a manner you can be proud of
4. If you win, be an example
5. If you lose, congratulate them
6. Make yourself, your parents, your school and your team proud

Parents

Help your child

1. Enjoy their game without fear of criticism
2. Endeavour to push themselves by praising effort even when they make mistakes
3. Focus on what they do well
4. Be a team member by encouraging them to support their team mates

Help us to help your child

1. Value effort
2. Understand the technical and tactical goals for the game. Therefore, leave tactical and technical advice to us during the game (to avoid mixed messages from our team preparation targets)
3. Remember that it’s only a game – there’s always next week

Finally, there are always going to be some parents you will never get through to. Don’t let yourself become influenced in your attitude towards the player or discuss the parent with the player. Unlike, the troublesome parent, you are bigger, smarter and a lot wiser than that.

Dan Cottrell has written this week's guest article. He runs rugby coaching courses for us and Independent Coach Education. 
After several years as a teacher, in 2005 he went into full time rugby coach writing, and has now written over 700 drills and 2000 articles on coaching at all levels (www.betterrugbycoaching.com).